I have been so sad all day, and all I could think about was the sad Megan Moroney breakup song about June 27, and then I realized it’s actually June 28, but figured it was close enough. I feel like I’m going through a breakup.
Today has been the day I’ve been dreading since landing at Heathrow Airport on May 13th. I’m currently on a train to Paris (trigger warning) and I fear there’s nowhere I want to be less. It’s been 9 hours and I’m ready to take the Victoria Line to Vauxhall station and walk into my room at iQ Vega and ask what time we are going to The Black Dog for drinks.
I have been holding back tears all day while going around London for one final time. Actually, that’s a lie because I cried the entire 30 minutes in my Uber to meet my parents at Kings Cross. And I think I’ve been crying on and off for the last 24 hours.
I’m trying to put into words what’s going through my head and how I’m feeling, and I’m having the hardest time typing words through a blurry screen. But the one word that keeps circulating through my head is how lucky I am. How lucky am I that I got to spend 6 weeks abroad, traveling around 4 different countries with my new friends? How lucky am I that I got to learn and grow at a new job? How lucky am I that I now have new best friends in Florida, San Diego, Washington, Utah & more from UMN? How lucky am I that I got to experience being young in my 20s with no real responsibilities?
I am truly so lucky. If you know anything about me, you definitely know I just went through a breakup of a 2.5 year relationship like 7 months ago. This trip couldn’t have come at a better time for me. Looking back, I realized I’ve been in a relationship for 4.5 of the last 7 years of my life. Which is CRAZY to think about. I knew that I needed to do something for myself, push myself out of my comfort zone and TRUST myself. That I can carry my own, be my own person and just do something for ME. I have no ties to anyone. It was my time to shine and the last 6 weeks have been everything I’ve needed and more. I have never felt more alive and I know I will be chasing this feeling again for the rest of my life.
Although it’s been some of the best weeks of my life so far, that doesn’t mean that there weren’t hard times. I’ve done an amazing job glamorizing my life the last 6 weeks on here and on my main Instagram, which is like 95% what you see. But throughout this trip, it’s been the first time I’ve ever really struggled with body image, eating habits and that sort of thing. It’s definitely a right of passage for girls to feel insecure, and I am lucky that I haven’t had to deal with it up until this point. I have been drinking so much more than I’m used to, my eating habits and schedule are so out of whack, and I feel very uncomfortable in the way I look for the first time in my life. I’ve been trying to remind myself that weight fluctuates all throughout my life, and this is just a brief moment in time and I will look back and remember the awesome dinners, drinks & sour cherry chocolate scones from Gail’s that I had. Life is too short not to enjoy it. Hopefully, once I’m back in MN and a regular kitchen, I will not be as puffy as I feel right now LOL. Trying to stay positive about it as much as possible while still enjoying my life 🫂
If you were to look at my ChatGPT history, there are 4 different conversations called:
- global marketing agencies with offices in Minneapolis/Chicago and London
- Grad school in London
- Living in London post-grad
- Comparing London boroughs to Minneapolis neighborhoods
I feel like it’s a rite of passage to be like “oh, I want to go to Europe post grad” the week you’re leaving your study abroad city. I absolutely adored London. I’ve never ever been a city girl at all. I used to hate going to Minneapolis and would avoid it at all costs. I didn’t like NYC when I went (granted I was like 14 lol). My mom was shocked when I decided that London was the city I was going to study abroad in. How does a girl who hates cities study abroad in one of the largest cities in the world? And then fall in love with it?
Living in Vauxhall was perfect; so close to everything but still had a neighborhood vibe. And I know there are neighborhoods in London that would give me the same feeling living in. I 100% could see myself back there after college for a brief period of time. Maybe not settling down and having a family, but I would definitely jump on the right opportunity that would bring me back there for a couple of years. I always said I thought 14 weeks/a full semester abroad would be way too hard, but 6 weeks was NOT enough time. I still feel like I have so much to do and explore and my time was cut short. London I’m coming back for ya soon I PROMISE.
Closing this chapter in my life hurts my heart so much. I feel so changed. Like that’s so dramatic but it’s TRUE!!!!!! My love for the world and for myself has grown so much and I am truly so thankful for my life. I’m so thankful that I had something so perfect it made saying goodbye so hard.
But I can’t wait for a twisted elixir Bubblr. And a Fresca. Chick-fil-A. AC. Raspberry lemonade surfside. Seeing my high school friends. Maynard’s. Chaska Target. My bed. Finn and Jimmy. My car. The list goes on.
Jules MW out